Heavy heart.

This week has been sneaking up on me and I have been dreading it. I have spent the last 12 months grieving my sweet dog Lucky.  And even still 365 days later I am still not over losing him and this hole in my heart will always be there.  Over time I have started to feel less heartache, but I can still be moved to tears when I think of him.

Letting him go was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  It was a horrible decision that Guy and I had to make and there was no right answer.  It has scarred me deep to the point where even now 1 year later I am really thinking I may never have another dog. Because in the flash of a moment I am brought back to that cold white room, crying my eyes out and deciding if I am making the right choice to say goodbye to my best little friend and my baby pup. Part of me still thinks it was a mistake, and I lay in bed sometimes longing to look over at pillow next to me and see his sweet little face staring at me.

Guy and I still talk about losing him and the decision we made and sometimes I think that maybe his passing was a blessing in disguise. He was a very nervous dog and used to his routine, with the construction on the house over the last 10 months and the new baby would have driving him crazy. So maybe it was better that he was watching over us instead. I know my quality time with him would have suffered even more so.

With regards to the new baby I feel that in a way he was sent to me because of Lucky, Lucky was my first April baby and Little Guy was born in April so I did get a new April baby.  Over the last few days I have noticed that Little Guy is looking over my shoulder and smiling the biggest smiles and I find myself wondering if he sees Lucky there watching over us.  I hope so.

This year has been challenging to say the least, filled with some heartache but thankfully we've had some great joy to help balance it out.

My sweet Lucky Lee - I love you so much and you will always have a place in my heart. I will never get over losing you and miss you everyday.  I wish we could have had more time together.

xoxo - Mellycup